hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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