my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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