i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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