She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
