I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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