And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
