I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
