how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
