Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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