I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
