It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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