I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
