If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A bitchslap is in order.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
