Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So. Much. Porn.
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