I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
