I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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