dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
