My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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