i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
