The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
