I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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