420 ftw
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
