im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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