Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
