I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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