I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
