Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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