Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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