My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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