Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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