There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
