Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
