this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
