so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
