I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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