if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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