Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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