Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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