McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
