How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
