I will die if light touches me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
