you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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