he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
