She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
