So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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