I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
