look no pants
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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