Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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