I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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