When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
