You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
