I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
