dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
