he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
