Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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