Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dick very happy bro
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
