I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
