Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
