also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she told me i tasted like america
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
