i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
