you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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