is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
