pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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