My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
