TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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