The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
