ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
