I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
