my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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