this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
