i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
