I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
