Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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