Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
