so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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