Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
