I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
