i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my being single is dangerous.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
