went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
