just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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