Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
