that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
