I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
we're so committed to being not committed
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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