those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
