I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
