When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
