Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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