I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
