Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
