You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
