jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
