Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
