why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
