some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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