Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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