My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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